A Big Long Semester

This semester was arguably one of my hardest semesters. It is very likely that my job of little reward and my financial whoas contributed to this. I had to read ten books for one class alone. In another class my teacher was so ditzy and impossibly easy that it was frustrating. For example, my friend got 100% on an assignment she didn't even do, and 50 points extra credit on a presentation that was two weeks late. Two classes I had with a professor who was brilliant but also very particular and demanding, which ate up pretty much all of my free time for the greater part of the fall. I thought for sure I'd get a B in at least one of her courses, but it turns out that my final grade will be a 90, hopefully allowing me to have another all As semester.

I have only one semester to go now until I have completed my degree. It has been about a year and four months since I've interacted with my best friend. The absence is heavy. I find it difficult to feel the achievement of my successes, knowing that she isn't here to share them with or to continue having her own. It is a kill joy. I'd sacrifice everything, all success, to get her back here, and I guess there is some part of me that really wishes such a thing was possible, hence the waining enthusiasm. With another end of a semester, it is another semester I have to acknowledge that Verny didn't have.

This time of year is proving tough again in relation to my Veronica not being around. I remember how for so long I had been looking forward to spending a Christmas in Bristol, mostly so that I could spend it with her, and finally when I found a means of doing so she wasn't there for it. It is like one of my goals in life that can never come to fruition I guess. And I'm thinking about that again. It seems like such a simple wish, you know? A realistic dream that, as it turns out, could never happen. Some things in life are like that.

And then there is my approaching birthday. I'm 9 months older than Verny, so that is all good and well, but soon here I will turn 24. The distance grows, and I get to thinking about the things I'm going to go through in the rest of my life--transitions, phases, lifestyles, generations--that she won't have in this world that we know. I know we've already had our different experiences, and we've both gone through different things even while she was here, but we had each other to confide in and lean on and feel cool around no matter what was happening. I've got my bro, but that isn't the same type up understanding and camaraderie of Verny. Some things between Verny and I were just un-relatable outside of our friendship.

I've got to somehow start believing that the things I do are worthwhile and worthy of my interest even without Veronica here. But it is hard to care when she isn't here to progress alongside of me, when we can't braid our victories together. It is just me going on about it for the both of us. I'm definitely thankful that I have been blessed to be a part of the lives of Verny's parents and sister, and this is a huge help in that by our unity, in some sense, Veronica is still existing and making a difference. Even with that, though, there is a loneliness sometimes. My peer, confidante, emergency midnight caller, spontaneous adventurer isn't here. She is the coolest person I have ever known and will ever know in the whole world. She got me. She never didn't get me. And she is gone.

I remember the last couple of years when Verny was having academic trouble because of her sleeping issues. She wasn't getting good sleep because of her sleep apnea, and because of this she couldn't focus and she turned to energy drinks to get vitalized. To be honest, I think the energy drinks promoted the incapability of focus, as I have found in recent yet occasional soda drinking when I'm attempting assignments. Living far from campus must have also been tough, because it is out of the way to use school's resources, but staying home can sometimes be so distracting. I was worried for her, and I expressed my feelings. We'd sometimes have intellectual dialogue about the various nutritious options for gaining healthy and lasting energy, but in the end Verny would choose the quick fix and shut me up with a Mountain Dew.

I curbed my soda drinking habits in June do to overwhelming evidence of looming health issues. Even though Verny supported my soda drinking habit, I wonder if and hope that she supports my new, healthier direction.

This past Verniversary, Veronica Day, Vern's B-day, whateveryouwanttocallit, was the most perfect way that we could spend it. I hope we all find a perfect way that we can celebrate Christmas in a way perfect for Veronica, too.